Friday, July 13, 2012

#fridayflash "Coridan"

 

Today's #fridayflash is inspired by an idea I had a few years ago involving a retelling of the Trojan War from the view point of Odysseus's war prize. Originally, I was going to write it set during the time period of the war, but now I'm leaning toward a futuristic retelling. It requires less research that way.

Coridan

“Stop, brother, you can’t go.” Acacia's scarf muffled her plea as her gloved fingers wrapped around his wrist. May the goddess forgive her for leaving her post to halt Coridan’s stupidity. How could her sixteen-year-old brother believe he could fight in the Troians’ war?

Coridan swayed under the heavy backpack. His face scrunched in determination before he yanked his arm from her grasp. He nearly tilted over and fell upon the dusty earth. “I’m going. Tro commands Lyrn’s sons to send help.”

“But you’re too young, too inexperienced.” She wrapped her arms around him as much to keep him close as to block the frigid winds. “You’re all I have left.”

“You have your goddess. Tell me Athena hasn’t left you.” He didn’t budge to return the embrace.

“No, of course not. But she favors our enemies.” Her throat grew tight, and tears burned her eyes. “I can’t lose you.”

Coridan smiled crookedly, a gentle and boyish smile that made Acacia want to cling to him harder. “Don’t worry,” he said, tugging her dark hair, “You’ll not get rid of me so easily. It’s a few months and this silly war will be over. I’ll be fine. Besides, I’m always Coridan.”

Coridan. Ready to fight. She winced at her brother’s pun on his name. “Come back to me.”

“I promise.” He pressed his warm lips against her cheek. His gaze already lingered away from her and toward Lyrn's gates. Other soldiers and their families said their good-byes before embarking to Tro.

She released him. Athena, protect him. Yet she feared the goddess no longer heard her priestess’s prayers as she watched her brother leave for a battle that wasn’t his or Lyrn’s.

9 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

It's good! Go for the futuristic approach.

Cher Green said...

Very nice. Wonderful writing, as usual.

Julie said...

You have so many creative ideas floating around in your head, I love your tales! I think the futuristic approach for this is perfect. Great piece!

Larry Kollar said...

The futuristic approach worked just fine, in my opinion. We must have tuned to a similar wavelength, because my #FridayFlash also pulls a legend out of their own time. ;-)

Hart Johnson said...

Yeah, I think the futuristic approach is fun! I like retellings in different settings and with different perspectives that keep it fresh. (Have you read Losing Beauty? It is a Hades/Persephone modern day and was great)

Christine Rains said...

Excellent flash piece. Love the tension and heartache.

Terri Talley Venters said...

Great scene, Cherie. How refreshing to read from another point of view. Very creative.

Samantha said...

This is such a neat point of view. Thanks so much for sharing! I loved it :)

sjp said...

a wonderful retelling and piece of flash, loved the story line and atmosphere