Friday, January 6, 2012

#fridayflash "The Persean Ritual"

“The Persean Ritual”

Linia focused upon the glowing blue light seeping from underneath the door. Soon, it would be her turn to enter. The thought made her mouth feel like she’d swallowed her shirt. Her parents hovered beside her. Mom rubbed circles along her back. Dad stood with a lop-sided grin upon his face. Her antennae drooped lower into her blond hair.

“Does it hurt?” Her question rose barely above a whisper.

“Oh, no, sweetheart.” Dad stroked her hair as the light disappeared from the door.

“There is a quick jolt, but it goes away.” Mom stopped rubbing my back.

A quick jolt. Linia’s heart skipped a beat. Her fingers went up to the gemstone within her choker. “Do I have to do this?”

“It’ll be fine.” Dad’s words carried no reassurance to his thirteen-year-old daughter.

The door slid open.

She would’ve run for it, if her parents hadn’t pushed her forward. Two steps. One more, and she entered the darkened room. She glanced behind her, but the door had already closed, her parents on the other side. No, no!

A man dressed in white stood in the center of the room. “Come closer, child.”

Her back pressed against the cool walls. She shook her head.

“It won’t hurt.” With a gloved hand, he motioned her toward him. When she didn’t move, he smiled. “I can wait all day, but I don’t know if everyone else will be so kind.”

They all do it, she told herself, but she found no comfort in this sterile room. She remained in her spot for several minutes. The man with the gloves waited for her. Ugh, she couldn’t take the waiting any more than she could take the fear of what would happen. She stumbled from the wall and stood before him.

“Very good.” He lifted up a pair of metal pliers. “It’s a couple snips, and we’ll twist the gemstone around. Hold still.”

She held her breath and closed her eyes. Metal clipped loudly in her ears. The gemstone shifted against her neck. Then, electricity jolted through her body. She stiffened as a soft cry burst from her lips.

“Open your eyes, child.”

Her eyelids parted. The room was bathed in blue light. Her body buzzed with her life rhythms as the blue pulsed with her heartbeat. Amazing.

“Now turn the gemstone back into place.”

Her fingers felt the smooth stone, and she shifted it back into place. The light vanished, leaving only the white room and the man in white before her. Shivers of the enormity of what had happened passed along her spine.

“You now have the power of life and death. Use your Persean gifts wisely, child.”


Misha Gericke said...

Interesting. I'm intrigued as to what she'd use them for. :-)

C D Meetens said...

The tension in this was great! I was really worried for her, and I'm intrigued by the end. This sort of story makes me want to know more about the characters and what happens to them next.

FARfetched said...

Wow, what a twist! I had no idea what was going to happen to her, at first I thought maybe she would be transferred into a newborn human or something. But the power of life and death? I think I'd be reluctant too.

Aubrie said...

Great flash fiction! Is this tied in to your Defying Gravity story?

Lauren Alissa Hunter said...

Oooo! I don't usually read this sort of stuff but that definitely pulled me in. The pacing was perfect and I was getting super anxious on her behalf. I like the way you were able to let us in on her parent's personalities as well. This was really good.

Terri Talley Venters said...

I didn't read the title so At first I thought she was about to go through the security at an airport. I was way off. Will we see more of Linia? What a great gift. I'd use it to save my babies.

Sarah Allen said...

Ooh, very exciting :) Good work!

Sarah Allen
(my creative writing blog)

farawayeyes said...

Wow, had me from the first word to the last.

Ciara said...

Wow, that is intense. I love that last line. The way she waited in the hall, the man with the gloves. It all was a thrill!

Christine Rains said...

Love this beginning! It's so intense and awe-inspiring.

Nicole Zoltack said...

Oh, I want to know what happens next!

Rusty Webb said...

Very well done. I felt for the poor child.

Krista said...

Excellent piece of flash fiction!

Sarah Pearson said...

I really enjoyed this, it was just full of tension. Will there be more? (She asks, hopefully) :-)

Anonymous said...

What an awesome gift... great flash fiction.