*Well, I thought you might be getting tired of the future within the Last Trilogy, so I decided to turn toward a pirate novella WiP titled Heart's Plunder. This character in this flash scene isn't one of the main characters, but he starts the adventure for the female protagonist of the story. And, yes, I know I'm being vague. ;) *
Adrift
The devil
storm had ended hours ago, or was it days? Sunlight baked my head, dulling my
senses. I shifted upon the broken boards. My make-shift raft dunked me under
the ocean before we bobbed to the surface. I coughed and sputtered the water.
Salty air filled my nostrils and I snorted it away.
I closed my
eyes but refused to sleep. Sleep meant death in a watery grave. I had no
attentions of meeting Davy Jones any time soon.
"Madre de dios, ayúdame." My fingers
rubbed against the damp wood like prayer beads.
I was so
tired. Hungry. Thirsty. In a sea filled with life, I floated toward death.
My eyelids
peeled apart. Sunlight shimmered upon the waters and distorted my vision. I
wanted to think of my family, but their faces wouldn't surface. I could only
call on Our Lady for help.
"Madre de dios, escúchame."
I slipped
lower on the raft and scrambled back up it. Slower this time. My strength
shrank when I needed it. I clung to the boards, to my faith. My eyes closed
again against my will. I was a weak man.
I'd once been
a soldier for the Spanish Armada.
I didn't know
if I would survive until night.
Water
surrounded me chest-high. I swallowed and winced at my raw throat. I longed for
my family.
What did they
look like?
Now just my
upper body held onto the boards. I breathed in, struggling to open my
sealed-shut eyes.
"Madre de dios, por favor..."
7 comments:
Wow, this is fantastic! I felt like I was there on the raft with your character, and it was a scary feeling. I'd love to read more and find out if this poor guy makes it, great flash piece!
My favorite line - In a sea filled with life, I floated toward death.
Please tell me he survives!
That was incredible. Well written and tension filled. Good job!
Compelling! There were several great lines in here, like "My fingers rubbed against the damp wood like prayer beads" and "In a sea filled with life, I floated toward death."
I miss Apenth and co, but this was a really good tense piece, and what a place to end it!
Like the others, I hope he survived! A visceral piece, his whispered prayers and futile attempts to recall his family's faces.
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