Friday, September 23, 2011

#fridayflash "Adrift"

*Well, I thought you might be getting tired of the future within the Last Trilogy, so I decided to turn toward a pirate novella WiP titled Heart's Plunder. This character in this flash scene isn't one of the main characters, but he starts the adventure for the female protagonist of the story. And, yes, I know I'm being vague. ;) *


The devil storm had ended hours ago, or was it days? Sunlight baked my head, dulling my senses. I shifted upon the broken boards. My make-shift raft dunked me under the ocean before we bobbed to the surface. I coughed and sputtered the water. Salty air filled my nostrils and I snorted it away.

I closed my eyes but refused to sleep. Sleep meant death in a watery grave. I had no attentions of meeting Davy Jones any time soon.

"Madre de dios, ayúdame." My fingers rubbed against the damp wood like prayer beads.

I was so tired. Hungry. Thirsty. In a sea filled with life, I floated toward death.

My eyelids peeled apart. Sunlight shimmered upon the waters and distorted my vision. I wanted to think of my family, but their faces wouldn't surface. I could only call on Our Lady for help.

"Madre de dios, escúchame."

I slipped lower on the raft and scrambled back up it. Slower this time. My strength shrank when I needed it. I clung to the boards, to my faith. My eyes closed again against my will. I was a weak man.

I'd once been a soldier for the Spanish Armada.

I didn't know if I would survive until night.

Water surrounded me chest-high. I swallowed and winced at my raw throat. I longed for my family.

What did they look like?

Now just my upper body held onto the boards. I breathed in, struggling to open my sealed-shut eyes.

"Madre de dios, por favor..."


Julie Flanders said...

Wow, this is fantastic! I felt like I was there on the raft with your character, and it was a scary feeling. I'd love to read more and find out if this poor guy makes it, great flash piece!

Nicole Zoltack said...

My favorite line - In a sea filled with life, I floated toward death.

Sarah Tokeley said...

Please tell me he survives!

Christine Rains said...

That was incredible. Well written and tension filled. Good job!

Shannon Lawrence said...

Compelling! There were several great lines in here, like "My fingers rubbed against the damp wood like prayer beads" and "In a sea filled with life, I floated toward death."

C D Meetens said...

I miss Apenth and co, but this was a really good tense piece, and what a place to end it!

Larry Kollar said...

Like the others, I hope he survived! A visceral piece, his whispered prayers and futile attempts to recall his family's faces.